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Reflections on pastoral care
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[originally published at www.anglicanfederation.com]
by the Reverend Dr. Murray Henderson
Pastoral Care of the faithful is always the application of biblical doctrine to everyday lives that we might grow in holiness (John 17:17). This applies to all, including men and women with same sex attractions. Pastoring aims at helping people to hear the voice of the Good Shepherd of the sheep and to respond faithfully to it.
Genuine pastoral care insists that feelings of sexual attraction to people of the same sex are not sinful. However, to act out sexually on the basis of these feelings is contrary to God's will for his creatures. The etiology of homosexuality often reveals a failure early in life to bond with the same-sex parent. Thus there is a genuine yearning for the love of the same sex parent, which may become eroticized in the teens or early twenties of a person's life and end in homosexual or lesbian sexual acts.
Basing itself on the healing power of the risen Christ, the Church will offer the resources of Christ and his Church to deliver men and women from patterns of wrong behavior. The Zacchaeus Fellowship is a group of Anglican men and women, priests and lay people, committed to the historic doctrine of the church in sexual matters. These people were all involved in overt homosexual activity, and decided their homosexuality was dystonic, that is, contrary to their values, principles, and Christian beliefs. Some of its members testify to a total change in their sexual feelings through Christian ministry. Others claim to still have feelings of same-sex attraction, but rely daily on God's grace to live celibate lives. Many others are somewhere in between, able to give thanks that their same sex attractions are less intense and compelling than ever before, though still present to some degree.
While it is asking a lot for men and women to “struggle” against their same sexual feelings rather than to “celebrate' them, Jesus Christ asks a lot of his disciples whatever their sexual attractions (self-denial). To call him “Lord” is for his sake to be willing to take up a cross and follow him. Many same sex attracted people who have chosen to seek healing have experienced the process as a major part of their spiritual journey toward holiness. Many heterosexual Christians experience various forms of sexual brokenness, and are called by the Lord Jesus to deny themselves and take up the cross.
Ideally, pastoral care of people with same sex attraction involves three complimentary components: one-on-one pastoral counseling, a peer support group of fellow-“Strugglers”, and a parish support group of “befrienders”. The aim of this three-pronged approach, especially in the critical first year, is to affirm the Struggler as God's child, to act as a “cheer-leader” (“We believe in you; you can do it!”), and to provide crisis befriending. Parish churches should be encouraged to offer support groups for those who wish to move beyond their same sex attractions.
It is a prevailing assumption of our culture that a fulfilled human life must always involve freedom to engage in sexual relations providing you don't “hurt others.” The Christian Church can challenge that assumption by pointing to our Lord and to St. Paul and a host of Spirit-led Christians who have forgone sexual relations for the sake of the Kingdom. Many heterosexual Christians find the grace of God sufficient to sustain them through a lifetime or through periods of singleness in which sexual relations are inappropriate. Neither they, nor our same sex attracted sisters and brothers are in any way diminished as persons for having chosen obedient chastity. Quite the contrary!
Finally, a church determined to be faithful to biblical doctrine in this and many other matters will be a counter-cultural church. But that is nothing new for the Church of Jesus Christ. In a culture experiencing many forms of sexual brokenness, a church which lives by the teaching of Jesus and the apostles will offer a beacon of hope for those seeking to rebuild their lives in conformity to God's will for his children.
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